i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize