The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
