Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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