He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
