living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
