Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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