So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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