Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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