Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
