i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
