she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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