I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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