I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm always down for nudity.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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