Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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