1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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