meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
