did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize