yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
