think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
