I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize