just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
