i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
