why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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