clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
