I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize