Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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