Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.

Fav 14 1375 3027
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(631): View more from New York

"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......

Fav 8 4169 1066
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(919): View more from North Carolina

Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool

(252): View more from North Carolina

Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five

Fav 13 6716 1354
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(678): View more from Georgia

He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.

Fav 20 5031 1395
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(585): View more from New York

that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag

Fav 11 1741 4103
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(850): View more from Florida

He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"

Fav 26 2586 9621
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(616): View more from Michigan

if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.

Fav 1 871 491
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(813): View more from Florida

She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce

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