im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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