I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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