I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
