Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
