I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
