dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
