I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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