Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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