You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
