I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
