i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
