: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
