my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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