Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
