I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
