You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize