I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
