Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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