I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
