Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
