i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
