Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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