mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
