i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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