the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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