I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
