now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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