Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
