Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
