An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
