I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize