Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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