But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
