I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The uberlube is also flammable
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
