Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
