i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
