Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
