just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
