my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize