I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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