I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
