Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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