Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
