You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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