if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Randomize
